Value of Marriage Deemed Unimportant by Many
A federal study done by the National Center for Health Statistics revealed that 40% of all births in the US were to unmarried woman. The number of births to unwed mothers has more than doubled from what it was in the 1980’s.
“If you see 10 babies in the room, four them were born to women who were not married,” said Stephanie J. Ventura, who led the analysis of birth certificate data nationwide. “It’s been a huge increase — a dramatic increase. It’s quite striking.”
Although the report did not examine the reasons for the increase, Ventura and other experts said the trend has been driven by a combination of factors, including the lessening of the social stigma associated with unmarried motherhood, an increase in couples delaying or forgoing marriage, and growing numbers of financially independent women and older and single women who decide to have children on their own after delaying childbearing.
“It’s many factors,” Ventura said. “Certainly the social disapproval factor has diminished.
the trend is disturbing because studies have shown that children generally tend to fare better when they grow up in stable households with two parents.
“We know that babies and children do best with committed, stable adult parents — preferably married,” said Sarah Brown of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. “That tends to be the arrangement that produces the best outcome for children. I look at this and say, ‘Maybe this trend is what young adults want or stumble into, but it’s not in the best interest of children.’”
The rates increased for all races, but they remained highest and rose fastest for Hispanics and blacks. There were 106 births to every 1,000 unmarried Hispanic women, 72 per 1,000 blacks, 32 per 1,000 whites and 26 per 1,000 Asians, the report showed.
… the percentage of babies born to unmarried women is about 66 percent in Iceland, about 55 percent in Sweden, about 50 percent in France and about 44 percent in the United Kingdom.
In many of those countries couples are living together instead of getting married, which is also the case in the United States, Ventura noted. Previous research indicates about 40 percent of births to unmarried women occur in households where couples are cohabitating, she said.
Good Intentions vs Reality - The Risks of a One Parent Family
American society has dramatically changed its value structure from what it was a generation ago. The above report on children born out of wedlock suggests that perhaps half of these children will have both parents raising them - the parents simply chose not to be married. The more important question is, for those born out of wedlock, and raised by only one parent, what is the long term impact on the children of being raised in a one parent family? Since our children are the future of our Country, the question is important. Some thoughts and studies on this matter for further consideration follow.
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-Not all children living in one parent families will have lived with their absent parent. However, for those whose parents were living together there is now a large amount of research showing the effects of family breakdown on children.
The results of a survey based on pooled data from 80,000 adults suggest that parental divorce has an adverse effect on children’s lives Compared with those raised in intact two-parent families, adults who experienced a parental divorce had lower psychological well-being, more behavioural problems, less education, lower job status, a lower standard of living, lower marital satisfaction, a heightened risk of divorce, a heightened risk of being a single parent, and poorer physical health.
The view that children adapt readily to divorce and show no lingering negative consequences is clearly inconsistent with the cumulative research in this area.
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-Single parent families are at a higher risk of poverty than couple families, and on average single mothers have poorer health than couple mothers.[2]
Single parenting is strongly associated with an increased risk of a number of negative social, behavioral and emotional outcomes for children. However while the association is strong, on balance the effect size and the actual numbers affected are modest. Most children from single parent families do well. Many factors influence how children develop in single-parent families: the parent’s age, education level, and occupation; the family’s income, and the family’s support network of friends and extended family members (including the non-resident parent, if available). Disadvantages in these factors that often accompany single parenting appear to cause most of this association rather than single parenting itself.[14] [15]
A variety of viewpoints do exist, with different readings of the research possible. The Institute for the Study of Civil Society reports that children of single parents, after controlling for other variables like family income, are more likely to have problems.[17] There are impacts of sole parenting on children, however the weight of the evidence does not appear to support a view that sole parents are a major cause of societal ills and are doing irreparable damage to their children.[15]
Having Both Parents Matters
The research and common sense tell us that it is better for a child to be raised in a two parent household. The reasons are profound but all the research seems to lead to similar conclusions.
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-The two categories that have seen the most dramatic rise over the period shown and the two that account for the rise in single-parent households are divorced parents (rising 422%) and those who have never married (rising 3,026%).
Many popular books like Barbara Dafoe Whitehead’s The Divorce Culture: Rethinking Our Commitments to Marriage and Family, present a stark picture of the negative impact that divorce has on the children in the families being separated. The question now being raised frequently is: “Should you stay together for the kids?”
Further fueling these discussions have been the sad results of several studies done on the outcomes of children raised in single-parent families. On average, the economic and social well-being of children being raised by a single parent was shown to be lower than that of children being raised in two-parent households. To many, these findings would seem self-evident. It is simply harder for one person to do the same work that two people working together are able to do.
The poverty rate for children living in single-parent homes is five times greater than for children living in two-parent homes. This fact has focused the political debate surrounding welfare reform squarely on the subject of marriage. In 1996, after many false starts, the Personal Responsibility Work Opportunities Reconciliation Act (PRWORA) was signed into law. Under this law the focus of welfare shifted from cash assistance for women and their children to an emphasis on self-sufficiency through work and enhanced financial support and involvement by fathers. One clearly stated intention of this legislation is to reduce out-of-wedlock births and encourage the formation of two-parent families.
Read more: “The Family - Single-parent Households” - http://social.jrank.org/pages/891/Family-Single-Parent-Households.html#ixzz0FRdypSWI&A
The Life Long Benefits Of Early Industry
With so many parents wondering what they can do to give their children the best future possible, it is easy to become confused by conflicting advice. A timeless piece from a 1986 Readers Digest article provides solid evidence for the virtues of work in raising happy and successful children.
Harvard University researchers followed 456 children over a 40 year period. Those children assigned chores from an early age turned into adults who earned more, had more job satisfaction, better marriages, lived longer healthier lives and, most importantly, lived much happier lives.
I could not find this pre Internet article on line, so it is reproduced below and is now available to the world.
A 40-year Harvard study has turned up some startling truths about….How to Raise a Happy Child, by Edwin Kiester, Jr., and Sally Valente Kiester
When John and Peter C were growing up, other kids felt sorry for them. Their parents always had them doing chores: weeding the garden, running errands, carrying out the trash. When they grew older, they delivered newspapers or mowed lawns. Sometimes other parents shook their heads and remarked that all work and no play made a dull boy.
But when the boys reached adulthood they were better off than their childhood playmates who had been less industrious. They earned more and had more job satisfaction. They had better marriages and closer relationships with their children. They were healthier and lived longer. Most of all, they were happier. Far happier.
These are the remarkable findings of a 40-year study than began in the 1940’s - a study than may help you raise happier children today. Started in an effort to understand juvenile delinquency, the study followed the lives of 456 teen-age boys from inner-city Boston, many from impoverished or broken homes. When they were compared at middle age, one fact stood out: regardless of intelligence, family income, ethnic background or amount of education, those who had worked as boys, even at simple household chores, enjoyed happier and more productive lives than those who did not.
“It’s not difficult to explain,” declares George E. Vaillant, the Dartmouth psychiatrist who made the discovery when he was at the Harvard Medical School. “Boys who worked in the home or community gained competence and came to feel they were worthwhile members of society. And because they felt good about themselves, others felt good about them.”
Dr. John E. Obedzinski, of the Center for Families and Children, in Corte Madera Calif., agrees. He has found that even five-year-olds benefit from performing small household duties. “It makes them feel they’re contributing and are important to the family,” he says.
Most interesting, however, is Vaillant’s study, for it is one of the first to follow a group of males in such detail over so long a period of time. Interviews were repeated at ages 25, 31 and 47. Under Vaillant, a group of researchers, who knew nothing of the men’s lives, compared the men’s mental health scores with a boyhood-activity score. Points were awarded for part-time jobs, household chores, extracurricular activities or sports, school grades relative to IQ (a measure of effort in school), and ability to cope with problems.
The link between what the men had done as boys and how they turned out as adults was startlingly sharp. Those highest on the boy-hood -activity scale were twice as likely to have warm relationships with a wide variety of people, five times as likely to be well paid and 16 times less likely to have been significantly unemployed. On the other hand, the group who had worked the least in childhood were far more likely to have been arrested, ten times more likely to have been mentally ill-and six times as many of them had died. The researchers also found that IQ, amount of schooling, and family social and economic class made no real difference in how the boys turned out.
But can the lives of boys who were born during the Depression - when childhood work was often a necessity - really tell us anything about bringing up happy children in the prosperous 1980’s? “I believe the same principles apply today,” say Vaillant. He is supported by psychologist H. Stephen Glenn, who presents child-rearing workshops throughout the country. Glenn declares that parent who “do everything” for their children may actually perform a disservice. “Many kids themselves realize the value of this ethic,” says Glenn. “One eleven year old stated it beautifully. He told his mother, “You only need to know three things about kids. Don’t hit them too much, don’t yell at them too much and don’t do too much for them”.
Here are six pointers to keep in mind when you have your children do chores:
1. Understand the real goals. The purpose of chores isn’t simply to get onerous tasks done - or even to teach youngsters “how to work”. Sparkling dishes or a tidy bedroom are less important than developing responsibility, independence, self-esteem, confidence and competence - the underpinnings of emotional health. Doing chores also helps a child understand that people must cooperate and work toward common goals. The most competent adults are those who know how to do this.
2. Start early. The urge to “help Mommy” comes almost as soon as a child can walk. A child of two can fetch and carry, or even sort laundry (which also teaches about colors and shapes). And you can make cleaning up a game: “Let’s put the truck in the garage for the night.” The child of four or five can understand simple instructions, run small errands and be expected (sometimes) to put away toys, pick up clothes or carry off his own dinner dishes. The seven year old can graduate to family responsibilities. A good first assignment is to set the dinner table, but any simple task that brings satisfying results will do.
One psychologist got an early start with his children by introducing them to household chores on family camping trips. “In a campground there are plenty of simple tasks to be performed,” he says. “You need to collect firewood and carry away the garbage and sweep out the tent. Even our three year old could wash dishes, because it didn’t make any difference if she dropped a metal plate. By the time she was old enough to wash dishes at home, she already knew how.”
Don’t rush children into jobs beyond their skills, however. A new task should challenge, but it must also afford the child a feeling of accomplishment. If children become discouraged, they may be unwilling to try again.
3. Set realistic standards. Obviously, an adult can do most jobs better than a child can. Resist the temptation to do it yourself or “do it over”. This only undercuts the child’s feelings of competence and self worth.
The best way to teach kids how to do a job is simple repetition. Show them how to do it, do it with them, then let them do it alone. Be ready to offer advice, but don’t be quick to step in. And don’t interfere if they want to do it their own way. “I always dust before I vacuum” only teaches them that their own efforts aren’t worthwhile.
That doesn’t mean tolerating sloppiness. If the task isn’t done up to the child’s capability, insist that it be done again properly. Set a reasonable deadline, but don’t nag. If the dinner table isn’t set by mealtime, for example, point out - firmly - that others are waiting.
4. Don’t bribe. The best payment for a job is a smile, a hug or a thank you. Telling others how proud you are, within the child’s earshot, is another form of compensation. Indeed, as children learn for themselves, planning and completing a task is a reward in itself.
Children should receive an allowance, of course, but don’t make it a paycheck. Paying a child for duties he should perform anyway not only smacks of bribe, but implies the task has no value in itself. A child who is paid to make his bed may begin to think he should be paid every time he picks up his socks.
It’s all right, however, to pay for a specific project. One child development expert wanted his fence painted, and asked his daughter to set a price. She estimated the number of hours the job would take and the two agreed on the payment. Among other lessons, he said, the girl learned to calculate the value of her efforts and to handle a negotiation.
5. Support “outside” work. Weeding the garden, baby-sitting and delivering newspapers will help your kids learn how to work to different people’s standards, as well as teaching independence and providing further lessons in responsibility.
6. Don’t overdo it. Work is valuable; drudgery isn’t. Too many duties can intrude on the child’s education, social activities or other aspects of growing up. Obedzinski of the Center for Families and Children cites the case of a 14 year old girl whose parents both worked while she shouldered household duties and supervised an 11 year old brother. “She seemed fine at first”, Obedzinski says, “but when you talked to her for a time, you realized she had low self esteem and was very depressed.” The severely burdened child may come to think of himself as a “slave”, rather than as a family member.
Working - at any age - is important. But it isn’t everything. As Vaillant points out, we should be careful to put work into proper human perspective. “More than a century ago,” Vaillant says, “Tolstoy summed up the role of work in a sentence: “One can live magnificently in this world if one knows how to work and how to love, to work for the person one loves and to love one’s work.”
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