Some recent commentary worth the read:
-Democratic share of voters with post grad degrees reaches 60% – what’s going on here? Is this another major blow to conservatism? – The Decline of The Conservative Intellectual
-Beyond the battle for the intellectual voter, how did the white, rich and poor vote? What are the implications? – How Did White People Vote? How Did Rich and Poor People Vote?
-You can’t give something to many without hurting some – Obama’s Dividend and Capital Gains Tax Hike Would Hurt Seniors
Let’s not lose our sense of humor
Social Security System Overhauled to Provide “Early-Death Incentives”
WASHINGTON, DC—Overwhelmed by a dearth of funds and a glut of recipients, the Social Security Administration unveiled a new “Early-Death Incentives Plan” Monday. Under the terms of the program, senior citizens willing to sacrifice additional years of life will be eligible for larger payouts.
“As the Baby Boomers approach retirement age and U.S. life-expectancy continues to rise, we are forced to distribute Social Security funds to an ever-widening pool of recipients,” said Social Security Administration commissioner Kenneth S. Apfel, announcing the radical reform program. “But with Early-Death Incentives, rather than force millions of retirees to eke out a meager subsistence on a small stipend for years, we can offer them a few years of high living, followed by guaranteed, permanent relief from being a burden on the American taxpayer.”
Under the Early-Death Incentives Plan, retirees can double their monthly Social Security payouts by signing an agreement to perish within five years, or quadruple their payouts by dying within three. Those eligible can also opt for a six-month Accelerated Mortality Program, which pays $4,000 a month over a half-year period, provided the person ceases living at the conclusion of the agreed-upon term.
Nation Ready To Be Lied To About The Economy Again
WASHINGTON—After nearly four months of frank, honest, and open dialogue about the failing economy, a weary U.S. populace announced this week that it is once again ready to be lied to about the current state of the financial system.
Tired of hearing the grim truth about their economic future, Americans demanded that the bald-faced lies resume immediately, particularly whenever politicians feel the need to divulge another terrifying problem with Wall Street, the housing market, or any one of a hundred other ticking time bombs everyone was better off not knowing about.
In addition, citizens are requesting that the phrase, “It will only get worse before it gets better,” be permanently replaced with, “Things are going great. Enjoy yourselves.”
“I thought I wanted a new era of transparency and accountability, but honestly, I just can’t handle it,” Ohio resident Nathan Pletcher said. “All I ever hear about now is how my retirement has been pushed back 15 years and how I won’t be able to afford my daughter’s tuition when she grows up.”
“From now on, just tell me the bullshit I want to hear,” Pletcher added. “Tell me my savings are okay, everybody has a job, and we’re No. 1 again. Please, just lie to my face.”
Speak Your Mind